Managing Anxiety

Worry.  Anxiety.  Stress.  We all have different triggers.  What causes anxiety in one person can actually calm another person.  For example, travelers versus homebodies or long 'to-do' lists versus boredom.  This pandemic seems to have set off all the triggers!  It is a universal pandemic that targets everyone in many different ways.  When an event triggers anxiety, our Emotional Brain (amygdala) overpowers our Thinking Brain (frontal lobe).  This makes it difficult to calm down, but there are strategies we can use to bring our Thinking Brain back into action.   Learn more by watching the short video below. ​
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  • Create a Worry Box. Decorate a small box, such as a tissue or shoe box. Each night before bed, your child can write down each of their worries on a piece of paper. Then they put the papers in the box. The next day, take the notes out of the box and see if your child still has the worry. If they do, place them back in the box; if they don’t, have them rip up the paper and throw it away. WHY DO I LOVE THIS TOOL? The act of decorating and creating the box shows children that they have ownership and control over their thoughts and feelings. The ritual of writing the worries down helps them acknowledge and address those feelings. The disposing of the worries helps symbolize their release of those problematic emotions.
  • ​Set Worry Time each day. This is a time for your child to talk to you about their worries. Your job is to listen and validate. Ten minutes is a good amount of time. This could even be time for you and your child to review their worries in the Worry Box.
  • Complete the Circle of Control Chart. This is part of Habit 1: Be Proactive. Much of anxiety is irrational - it is worrying about things we cannot control. However, some things we can control. 
    • For example, in the Circle of No Control children could write, “Coronavirus pandemic,” “Can’t go to school,” “Miss playing with friends at school.”
    • In the Circle of Control, children could write, “Wash my hands”, “Choose which homework to do first,” and “Google Hangout and FaceTime friends.”  

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is focusing on what is happening in the present - RIGHT NOW. I’ve heard that depression comes from focusing on the past and anxiety comes from focusing on the future. I teach students, “The past is history, the future is a mystery, so focus on the present.” Activities that help us focus on the present are called grounding activities. I teach students that when they have negative thoughts, they need to tell those thoughts “You’re grounded!” Those thoughts must stay away because they were grounded to a quiet room in their brain! ​

The Frustration Triangle

Life is hard. Frustration is what we feel when things don't go the way we want them to.  During this coronavirus pandemic, many of us feel frustrated! There is a process we can use to help our children - and help ourselves - feel better and control our frustration.  It is called the Frustration Triangle and is taught in one of my favorite children's books: Zach Gets Frustrated by William Mulcahy.  You can listen to the book by watching the YouTube video on the right. 

​Name It. Say why you are frustrated.   
Tame It. Use chills skills to help your mind and body relax.
Reframe It. Look at the problem in a new way.
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You can use the attached worksheets to learn new chill skills and complete your own Frustration Triangle!

Self Care

Self-care is everything we do for our physical, mental, and emotional well-being.  We cannot give to others what we don't have ourselves.  We are more resilient and able to handle the life's stress when we are feeling our best both physically and emotionally.  We can be the best version of ourselves for the people around us.  By modeling healthy self-care practices for our children, we are teaching them to value their minds and their bodies. 

It's important to teach kids to take a SELFIE.  This isn't a selfie we take on our phone. This is happiness selfie!

How to Take a Happiness SELFIE:
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S - Sleep
E - Exercise
L - Light (sunlight)
F - Fun
I - Interact
E - Eat Well

I also attached a self-care handout that your children can complete!  It lists a variety of coping skills they can select to evaluate how well they are doing at self-care, as well as set self-care goals. 

Resilience

Resilience is defined as “The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness” (source).  Undoubtedly our students will face difficulties, usually on a daily basis.  “Toughness” does not mean our students don’t feel and express a wide range of emotions, including sadness, frustration, anger, etc.  It does, however, mean that after allowing themselves to feel and express emotions they are able to ultimately overcome and move on from challenges.  As parents and caregivers we sometimes want to rescue our children from struggles and pain.  The problem with this train of thought is that as our kids get older and face even more difficult challenges they will not have the skills needed to overcome difficulties on their own. Teaching and building resilience skills NOW is going to lead to our students becoming more confident and capable adults in the future!  How can I help my child(ren) increase their Resilience?
● Teach your children problem solving skills instead of solving problems for them.  Start with small situations and gradually release responsibility.  You could prompt them with, “Good question, how could you figure that out?” This nurtures their independence and helps them learn to tolerate uncertainty and brainstorm solutions.
● Use "The Power of Yet."  If your student says, "I don't know how to do it," add the word "yet" to the sentence.  "I don't know how to do it, yet!"
● Remind them that it is okay to make mistakes!  Mistakes are proof that we are trying.  It's healthy for your children to hear you admit your mistakes and even laugh at them sometimes too!
​● “You can do hard things.”  Sometimes simply reminding your children they can do something hard is an impactful practice.  Say it often!
​I do a series of classroom guidance lessons on resilience based on the book Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving kids Roots and Wings, 2nd Edition, by Kenneth R. Ginsburg. 

Dr. Ginsburg recognizes that kids commonly survive stress by either engaging in unhealthy behaviors or giving up completely and suggests that the solution is aimed at strengthening their resilience. 

Dr. Ginsburg introduces the seven "C's" of resilience needed to bounce back from challenges:  competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping, and control.  My resilience lessons focus on how we can each strengthen our own seven "C's".​